Archive → August, 2008
This Job Will Get to You in the End ……
This profession kills us all …… the lucky ones at least. The stress of 7 years of having useless crap shoved down your throat when all you want to do is play Superman is enough to kill anybody (Yes, even Rambo). The reason why I refer to those killed by this noble profession as “the luck ones”* is because some, very few end up giving those damn patients whats coming to them ….
Take Herman W Mudgett for example, born in May 16th 1860 to a Levi Mudgett and Theodate Page Mudgett of Gilmenton, New Hampshire, he managed to last just about until he got his first job before he cracked.
Herman was first introduced the wonders of the human body when he forced to touch a real skeleton at the doctors office by a bunch of bullies at the tender age of 9, he had described the experience as mesmerising and fascinating (or words to that effect). Some-one should have spotted the psycho back then.
Mudgett at the time he qualified (I think)
He enrolled at the University of Michigan and qualified from their medical school in 1884 and that’s when the fun begins. His first gig was at “Dr. E.S. Holton’s drugstore” in Inglewood, he eventually managed to buy the store from Dr Holton. Holton agreed to sell him the store if he let Mrs Holton live in the upstairs apartment for free. She was killed by Mudgett(or Dr. H.H. Holmes as he was now known) the day her husband died of cancer. Mrs Holton was the first of over 20 victims this serial killer managed to kill during his lifetime and like all good serial killers he had aspecific demographic he’d chase after; young females, usually brunettes.
His erm”office”
Mudgett had converted the drugstore into a hotel, a bunch of shops and his “office” which was divided into a hundred or so windowless rooms which served as his maze of death. He even had 2 furnaces running at the place to dispose of the bodies. Now that’s something I’d want to see on MTV Cribs.
Holmes was eventually convicted and executed (personally I would have just let the guy live for a hundred years and wallow in his own guilt…. but to each his own). He managed to kill over 20 people (including a bunch of kids), sell their organs + skeletons to the local medical school and even managed to pick up 3 wives along the way (he was married to two of them at the same time).He also managed to fake his assistants death for the insurance money. He had to kill the guy in the end though so I don’t think he technically faked his death so much as killed him to get the money …. not very crafty IMHO ….
Looking back on his story I can’t help but wonder how many of my co-workers have or are likely to cross that line and sincerely hope that I die before I get to open my own private practice (My “office” will have web cams and a giant ray gun …… I’d like to see them pull that off in SAW 6 !)
* Yes, quoting myself is rather vain …… apologies .
One More Reason Why you Lovely Ladies should go for a C-Section
if it’s all the same I’d rather be put to sleep if I’m going to have this shit for brains down my boo ha ha.*
(Be Sure to watch the deleted scenes, you have to click on the post title or one of the the buttons at the end to see the actual flash file …. it is quite vulgar ….. apologies ……)
* If I ever had one …….
Import/Export
We’re bored of the summer, Avenues (or afeneuyz as many of us call it) has lost it’s luster and everywhere else is unbearable thanks our fine fifty degree weather and while many of us end up going on vacation and enjoying it, a fair share demand medical reports for conditions which they’ve had for the past 20 years.
These include your lumps and bumps as well as dependence on dialysis (for which they have refused transplants in the past), an old stroke and possibly even diabetes (yes, diabetes ….. the only disease entity which every person in Kuwait has become an expert in thanks its endemic nature).You’d be forgiven for thinking that these reports were written so that a patient may gain insight into his/her condition in an effort to turn an new leaf and start a new, healthier lifestyle; or so that a written record can be kept and referred back to during an emergency.But sadly most of these reports are requested and demanded specifically for a 4 month vacation in Germany, London and even Thailand.
The reports, while requiring a great deal of time to be compiled, written and reviewed by both the attending doctor and his/her supervisor, end up being the subject of scrutiny as 60 year olds scream at you for not specifically stating that you can’t treat their condition in Kuwait and that it is an urgent one which requires treatment abroad (yes, I am talking about diabetes, hypertension and that lump of fat that happens to be in the wrong place for the past 20 years) and despite the best efforts of medical staff and clerks in administration; the idea that the vindictive, mean, abusive (and lets not forget incompetent and negligent) doctor has it on for them ends up being brought up and shoved down your throat in the middle of the corridor (it’s very hard to kick an old man in the knees while he’s on a wheelchair with other people watching)
The problem arises because these charming, vivacious (and dare I say it …. polite) senior citizens have yet to face the crystal maze* that is the ministry of health, you see in ordered to seek medical care abroad under the MoH (ministry of health) you have to set up a coordinated series of “was6as”, go through a number of offices (usually occupied by people who dwell in the mundane and never bother showing up for more than an hour a day), collect more signatures than a girl scout going in a sponsored hike and even then ,you’d still have to wait for an okay from a council or group that is set up.
Another issue I have with people traveling abroad for conditions requiring long term management which many of our doctors are more than capable of is the fact that these cases put a strain on a ministry that is just built wrong (putting it mildly) and this delays many of the cases which require (= deserve to a limited extent) treatment abroad such as certain rare or borderline heart conditions in which management may be dicey and certain other things like weird tumors, rare muscular disorders and funny transplants(liver, kidney+ pancreas, intestine). In most cases these conditions are either relatively rare or may require management techniques that are only available in a handful of centers and although most of these cases are not very urgent and do not require emergency surgery, they do get worse with time and waiting two or three months for your papers to go through is simply not an option.
Ironically, many of the countries we export our woes to have developed a trend known as “Health Care Tourism” which sounds very much like fusion cooking (i.e. a fad that ends up with mixed results to say the least). Places like the States and the U.K. ship patients to places like Thailand, Cuba,and India regularly (infact it’s estimated that 55,000 U.S. Patients have been admitted into one hospital in 2006 in Thailand ) but they do it because of the spiraling costs of getting good healthcare in their own native countries rather than the quality of the treatment they receive over there.
And before anybody asks for a ban on treatment abroad you should bear in mind that it would be far too expensive for most Kuwaitis (even the well off ones) to afford long term therapy for things like myloblastic leukemia, a coronary bypass or a small bowel transplant without cutting some corners. It would be simply unethical for a country with this much spent on healthcare NOT to provide people with the treatment they need.
It would also be juvenile to think that bringing in the worlds best blah blah surgeon, or the worlds best poo poo expert or even House M.D. would make thing any better. To work on the complex and the rare requires repeated exposure to it and adequate compensation for the sacrifices you make in the process. Something the MoH lacks to say the least. You see it would be the equivalent of getting a carpenter to teach your cook to build a desk and then getting your cook to build one for you. After your desk is built the cook will never need his newly acquired carpentry skills and therefore they’ll soon fade never to be put to use again.
So where does the solution lie?
‘Fuck should I know; I’m not smart/educated/experienced enough to know the perfect mothers day gift let alone find a solution to this creature from the abyss …..
*I was going to use gauntlet of doom but decided against it
Ch-ch-changes* (New Theme)
New theme (I really liked the old one, still I think this one looks cleaner).
I’ll probably change it back in 2 hours though.
Oh and the images were drawn in the sketchbook of an Eduardo Recife. Who’s skill in graphic design may have a far wider appeal than his own effort original efforts at hand drawn art. (Yes, the one on the right depicts a man who has just been beaten up with the culprit in the background).
*Yes, I was reffering to Bowie……
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