Archive → October, 2008
No Regrets …. They Don’t Work*
Fuck the memories, fuck the regrets I say !
Fuck those awkward moments when some bastard managed to catch you fart in public, fuck that day you found out your girlfriend was cheating on you (and the third and fourth time that happened too), fuck that time you were caught running naked (or nekkid) across a football field ! (ecstasy isn’t an excuse, it’s a reason)
Those memories arn’t needed anymore ……
I (like many others) have fucked up and have been fucked over a couple of times and tend to have a slew of memories which haunt me at every given moment; infact one could argue that many of my unpleasant qualities (including my fowl work ethic, bad manners and inability to endure more than ten minutes of Cornation street) may stem from those fowl memories that fester within; which is why getting rid of them might not be such a bad idea, it might even be considered the new shock therapy for many of us who suffer from conditions such as post traumatic stress disorder.
With this in mind, scientists across the US and China have spent the past couple of years (and most of their natural lives) attempting to target and erase specific memmories from our psyche and unlike the old farts we have over here, these guys have managed to pull it off …… well in mice at least.
Joe Z. Tsien and his team have managed to find a way to target a specific chemical called CaMKII (think of it as a genetic remote control which can turn down the volume or completely erase a memmory) which they raise and lower using a very complex set of chemical reactions and in doing so can make a specific memmory less apparent.
Apart from the obvious uses in getting rid of that annoying ex (by erasing his/her memmories rather than your own) or those memmories of a nasty divorce, one would have thought that this type of tech would also have interesting applications in the military/intelligence/James Bond game …….
Incidentally, what memories would you like to get rid of? Would you infact get rid of them? and how much would you be willing to pay for the service? …… I smell a black market here …… and imagine being able to relax , unwind and get rid of that bad day at work ….. fucking brilliant …..
*Yeah …. not a big fan of Robbie Willams either …..
“Get real” ……. kiss my ass ……
The mid to late nineties as far as I was concerned, were characterized by kick ass video games, crap internet, irc (who remembers #hollwood on efnet 
) and Orbit satellite TV which happened to contain a crap TV show ….. all about “Getting it Real”. (yes, I am referring to Dr. Phil).
You see Dr. Phil tricked me into doing medicine. As far as I knew back then all I had to do to fix a problem was scream “get real” and look like a red neck in a suit 2 sizes too small for my lard laden behind …..
Little did I know that he was a PhD rather than an MD….. and a crap one at that. The difference between the two is that one is an academic doctor (PhD) who’s mind is supposedly honed, patient and is generally skilled at his craft and will probably end up finding the cure for cancer, while the other gets screamed at, sneezed at and thrown up on for a living and can never get the time to study for that 3rd post grad exam he has to take (the M.D.).
Phil McGraw does none of the above, he does have a PhD but rarely contributes to research in his field, or gaining further insight into it. Instead, he spends his time rounding up a bunch of retards, making them cry on public TV and ending his show with a message related to, about or defined as “getting real”. He is essentially Jerry Springer for those of us who can’t stand the sight of hookers, pimps and weed smoking white trash.
As with most things satanic in nature McGraw started his career in Texas; after finishing a PhD who’s thesis was entitled “Rheumatoid Arthritis: A psychological intervention” he began a company along with his father and a family friend called “Pathways” (it basically gave motivational seminars in small groups and charged people a bundle for it) which he went on to sell his share of without telling any of the other share holders (including his father ….. the selfish cunt). McGraw then went on to work in a legal consultancy firm and met Oprah along the way. She provided him with his big break (= a five minute spot on her show) which catapolted him to fame, fortune and tricking me into working for a healthcare system which makes me want to gouge my eyes out every day and will probably kill me in the end.
And if you were wondering why I neglected to mention McGraws private practice, you needn’t wonder any longer. The dumb shit managed to get himself suspended barely a couple of years after opening it. A complaint was issued by one of his employees when he tried to erm …. start a “dual relationship”* with her …. this led the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists to sanction him and suspend his practice until certain conditions (namely attending a couple of courses and being assesed for comptence both behaviourally and physically) were met ….. needless to say McGraw has yet to meet these requirements and remains suspended from practice……. yet he still managed to invite himself to a Britney Spears intervention which she didn’t want, her family didn’t want and the press didn’t need for ammunition ….. personally I blame K-fed … He prolly asked Dr Phil for an autograph, one thing led to another and Britney ended up “getting it real”.
So the next time you hear the phrase “Get Real” coming out of that loud mouth Texan just remember how he managed to stab his father in the back, force Oprah to hire him in return for some legal advice and get his license suspended for a erm ….. “dual relationship”* as well as tricking this dumb shit into selling his soul to the devil when he could have been an English Lit. Major and enjoyed what he does best (sitting on my fat ass and reading Elmore Leonard)
* yeah ….. I couldn’t get what dual relationship meant either, I think it means he tried to be a little too friendly ……..
HUZZAH FOR THE GOOD LIFE !!!!
It was late 2000 and the soon to be Dr. Arnold Kim, M.D.(following in the foot steps of his father) started his website …. the now famous macrumors.com (if you own an ipod and don’t know the site then you should break it ….. you are simply ignorant and should not be allowed to own an ipod, iphone or any other apple product ….. except that pricey paper weight that is the Apple TV…… ).
Since then Dr. Kim has had to balance a career in medicine as a nephrologist (kidney doctor ….. trust me it’s like rocket science only with a half blind drunk pilot at the helm of the billion dollar rocket you spent a lifetime building; damn patients never listen to a word you say …. especially those with kidney problems … the bastards don’t listen to you till it’s too late …..) with a job sifting through countless rumors about Apple products and decide which ones were written by four year old with active imaginations and which ones were written by that flunky that was recently fired from Apple.
But as of the 1st of July 2008 Dr. Kim has hung up his stethoscope and has devoted himself full time to macrumors.com, his family and more importantly the good life ……. I wish him all the best and hope to one day follow in his foot steps ….. lord knows it’s probably every doctors dream at some point in their career ………..
P.S. His Blog can be found here.
Like Fruit Picking only Different …..
You’ve gotta love childbirth no matter how you go about it (c-section, vaginal delivery …… and anything else they’ll come up with) the damn thing is still more painful than watching a Sly Stallone marathon …….
(Yes the pateint is awake during the video)*
(Not really a post so much as something I had to share ….. apologies …..)
*She is sedated however …. with either local or spinal anesthesia …..
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