Move Over Big Tabacco ……. you Ain’t got Shit on these Bastard ……
no sex in this post …… apologies ……
Looking at this advert and others like it you might think that drug companies, doctors and struggling day in and day out to help you. You might think that all drugs are being developed to stringent standards and thateveryone tries their absolute best to bring the safest, bestest, cheapest drug to the market …… think again…..
Since the 80′s drug companies and their lobbyists have been trying to cut costs, change the way we prescribe and give us incentives (including conferences/golf trips/workshops, freebies (I have 6 lipitor mouse pads, one usb memmory stick from Glaxo-smithkline and about 120 pens which I keep in a drawer …. in another year it’ll beat my GI Joe collection in another month)
1980 marks the year when the first pro-pharm act was passed. The Bayh-Dole Act allowed drug companies to scavenge data from any research conducted in a university in the united states. At the time most research was funded by tax dollars. This meant that a fair amount of the research and development costs was cut by simply allowing the government to fund drug development instead of having to rely on their own capital. In other words most drugs from then on (at least in part) were developed for free.
Next came the orphan drug act in 1983 ; giving drug companies incentives for slow sales in drugs which were used to treat diseases affecting less that 200,000 people in the US. In other words they were now getting paid for making a drug that wasn’t selling too well.
Since then drug companies have been trying to streamline the FDA approval process beginning in 1992 with the prescription drug fees act which allowed drug companies to pay the FDA for faster approval. In other words they legalized paying for streamlining the vetting process designed to keep dangerous drugs out. From then till the end of his term Bill Clinton had tried to pass price control proposals that would limit the amount of money the companies were allowed to charge individuals and dismantle the current pricing structure which is pegged to GDP within a given country. His failure is in effect why you had to pay 30 kd last week for that medication for the clap.
1995 saw the big-pharm lobbying for (and getting) the right to start manufacturing drugs at sites without the need for FDA approval or inspection of the lots. It also saw the introduction of free range genetic patents regardless of the use and allowed the companies to use pre-clinical (rather than full blown clinical trails on a significant number of humans) data (not trails …. sporadic data as in I know of 10 people x who were given drug X and experienced some relief of some of his symptoms …. literally). This has allowed a whole gaggle of drugs to be released and sold to the general public including Celebrex (a type of anti-inflammatory …. kind of like an aspirin 2.0) which was designed for people in their 80′s with arthritis, only to find that it could increase your risk of stroke or heart attack.
Then in 1997 drug companies get handed the FDA Modernization Act which basically allowed drug companies to hire other companies to review asses and submit their drugs for FDA approval …… in other words do their dirty work for them and legally indemnify them. It also allowed them to publish direct to consumer advertising through TV, Radio and printed press. This was considered unethical a couple of years back because of obvious conflicts of interest.
They also made it impossible for medicare providers to negotiate wholesale prices for drugs through the Medicare Modernization Act of 2003 ….. this established company policies which extend to some companies in Kuwait as well and is relevant when we talk about how drugs are sold to the ministry of health through local peddlers.
They also spent over 80 million in 2005 successfully overturning proposition 79 which would have cut off a whole gaggle (= million …. close to billions) of incentives they were getting through the government.
The only reason why I haven’t taken a jab at any of the local companies in the region is because they look like angels compared to these people. Since 1980 they’ve been paid for doing nothing through incentives, been paid if they can prove that their drug is a failure and have invested in intense lobbying that has made the FDA approval process no more complicated than getting a scoring a license for your 18 year old kids here in Kuwait. They’ve also given themselves the right to copyright your blueprints and any use they feel like. without asking your permission.
So the next time you walk into a drug store with a headache go for the generic Gulphar stuff ’cause all that Tylenol is going to do is get them to bribe another unsafe drug into the market or by me a new pen ……..
P.S. I’m sorry if I bored you ……. the Micheal Moore movie is far more entertaining …….
Porn.
We all love porn. But apparently we don’t see the same thing when we are watching. Recent studies (well relatively recent) show that men and women react to porn differently. This is obviously no surprise ofcourse since for the most part men tend to watch the stuff daily while women tend to savour it more in bouts rather than regularly. I’d like to think that porn and our love of it tends to compensate for the fact that we are the only things on the planet who don’t have sex in public.…….. porbably wishful thinking though …….
Another key difference is in how sexual orientation defines how we watch porn and the types we appreciate. Women tend to appreciate good porn regardless of whether it involves men or women or both in varying numbers where as men tend to be more picky. Straight men love lesbian porn or porn with more women while they can’t stand the site of gay porn at all and vice versa; gay men just aren’t feeling the hoo hoo as it were (they just don’t know what they’re missing out on I say ….. o well to each his own I suppose……..) Researchers suggest (= wishful thinking …. the damn idiots think everything they say has to be right) that this is because of a stronger genetic blueprint for sexual orientation in men. I tend to disagree, based on my rather limited experience with the opposite sex I think it’s because women tend to be able to feel the passion in the images more than men and tend to derive xarousal from that.
Another interesting thing is how much time we spend looking at faces, apparently men tend to spend a little more time looking at faces than women but both genders tend to spend an equal amount of time gawking at the naughty bits. The amount of time spent by women tends to largely be dicatated by their hormonal states (i.e. their periods and whether or not they are preganant; rather than the amount of testosterone or oestrogen they have circulating in their bodies).
One thing is for sure though …… we all love porn …….and it’ll probably be here to stay
Smoking …… The Next Green Tea?!?!?!!?
Fuck you Marlboro Man!
I thought I was going to be riding a horse and have balls as big as boulders by my third packet! Instead I hawk up a lung every morning ……. goddammit* !
We all smoke from time to time. Some of us rarely, some with that occasional drink, some of us indoors or in our cars and others at various cafes.But despite our best efforts to get addicted to the stuff smoking has been in overall decline over the past 40 years as more and more of us tend to fear loosing our lungs to a little white stick.
Despite this rather sharp decline and the tax hike that Mr Obama has instigated (120% …… two thumbs up my friend ….. kudos …. now all you have to do is legalize marijuana and you’d be the bestest president ever) the industry continues to flourish and provide people with jobs in many south american countries and well we can’t just fire them all once the world is rid of smoking. Can we?What would the implications be? Will people revolt in certain countries? Will it add to the recession? Will we suddenly get an influx of kidney donations from various less than well off countries?
Or will the industry try and save itself? Surely there must be some benefit to smoking….. there’s no way something that looks this cool could be all that bad, could it?
Sadly, the tobacco plant in it’s current form will probably kill you and has about as much nutrition as prison gruel but thanks to (corrupt? Well paid? Benson and Hedges Sponsored?) researchers at the University of Verona in Italy there might not be the end for smoking or the Big Tabacco. Professor Mario Pezzotti and his team of researchers have been trying their hand at genetically engineering a strain of the plant that produces interleukin 10 (IL 10) a chemical which is naturally produced in our bodies and may be beneficial in the treatment of various immune and inflammatory disorders. The team have now manged to get the plant to produce the substance in 3 different compartments and in very ample amounts.
They’re now planning to start testing it on rodent models as a potential treatment for type 1 diabetes and the initial results seem quite promising. It’s ironic that a plant that we have now labeled as toxic may soon be considered main stay therapy for many conditions such as auto0immune arthritis, diabetes and other conditions. Worse still, every single smoker will rejoice as health spas will soon be offering you an post massage choice of Cigar, Pipe or cigarette. Could tobacco be the next green tea? Or (far more likely) could the tabacco industry have finally found some way to unshackle themselves from ad companies and their cheesy over used Ad campaigns designed to make smoking look cool ?!?!!?!? Is this the death and return of big tabacco? and will the institute of tobacco research actually work towards curing disease?
More importantly how much did it cost Benson, Hedges and the rest of the gang to genetically engineer that strain of Tabacco and when will I be able to prescribe my first cigarette to a four year old for the sake of his health?
* For the record I rarely smoke more than once a week and almost never cigarrettes. The implication that I’m a chain smoker only helps to get the point accross better …… I’m a big fat liar …. apologies …..
PRICKS !!! PRICKS AND BALLS !!!! BOOO HISS BOOO
You asked …. I delivered …. this is why I went to medical school …. to write 450 words about pricks ….
Yep ….. this is the one that’s going to get me banned …….
I never could decide whether size mattered or not ……… and although I’d like to think of myself as just above average and am filled with a sense of pride everytime nature calls …….. most women I “know” tend to tell me that size infact doesn’t matter as much as technique …….. which in my mind means that they’re probably trying to spare my feelings ….. bless they’re sentimental hearts ……
Still I suppose I can think of a couple (literally 2) cases when size just wouldn’t matter………….
The first is one that I’d seen about twice in my life and both were endstage testicular cancer patients; it’s known as polyorchidism and it’s basically when you have more than two balls. Generally speaking most cases don’t’ have more testosterone, grow faster or have more kids as the 3rd testicle is usually the ugly duckling among the two other fully formed swans……….all it does is increase your risk of cancer by about 10 fold ….. not fun really …. worst part is that you’ll usually have to root around to find the damn thing …..
The second is one that I’d never thought existed and had often thought of as an urban myth or more aptly every mans perception of every womens fanatsy (most guys think women would love them more if they had 2 dicks ….. they’ll never admit to it but they do ….. the fact fo the matter is that they’ll probably love themselves more as well).
……NOT PHOTOSHOPPED …. and yes, you will have to take my word for it…...
Diphillia or the presence of two penises in one person will beat a nipple on someones heel any day ….. if only the poor bastard wasn’t impotent. It was first reported by Johannes Wecker in 1609 and is thought to occur as a result of an insult to the developing baby at 23-25 days gestation. Most cases are associated with impotence, difficulty urinating and congenital problems in the digestive system and kidneys. Apparently it happens in 1 in 5.5 million American men ………. I blame television …… it makes people grow two dicks ….. can’t prove it though ….. but I bet it’ll make half the men reading this start watching more TV.
So I suppose you can have too much of a good thing ……… too many pee pees and they’re both useless and if you’re too ballsy then you’ll probably die of cancer ………. besides lets face it the male organ isn’t exactly a sight for soar eyes. The damn thing looks like a half formed hairless puppy …. no where near as intriguing as boobies or hoo hoos …………gotta love the hoo hoo …….
BOOBIES ! …… YAY!
Courtesy of the Magic Candy Store that is Flicker Flickr …. apologies …..
We all love them. Big, small, flabby, rounded, white or tanned and golden brown …… and then there’s the nipples ….. those gosh darn nipples; puffy, pointed, large or small. We all love our boobies ….. as a nation, a species and a people.
And don’t go thinking that women hate theirs or are indifferent towards them. Studies tend to all agree that women have just as much to say about their breasts as men do (as they should). I think we tend to have an obsession with them because they’re one of those things that we tend to associate strongly with feminity (kind of like how we associate a six pack and huge pecks with spartans …… even though we can’t really say hand on heart that they all looked like steroid soaked Adonis’s we have them portrayed as in our movies ….. you’d think that someone who fought in a couple of hundred battles would at least have a limp by the time he hit 30 or lost a finger to some persian army captain etc.)
So having established their love affair with the wonder that is the female cleavage most people would logically want to take this obsession a step further …… many would infact think that if two breasts were hot then three would be a bizillion times as hot.
Left Image shows Accessory Breast and nipple (Polythelia is what most doctors call it … I call it a pink mole ….) and on the right a 3rd breast on the torso …… somehow I can’t see myself drooling over it at a burlesque ….. ohwell … you want more, you get more I suppose ……
Sadly, as anybody who has actually had a third, fourth or fifth breast (approximatly 1% of the population have at least one extra nubbin, nipple or breast) will tell you …… it’s rather of underwhelming ….. all you get to see is a rather big lump that’s painful whenever you have your periods …. sometimes you get a nipple and sometimes you don’t …. and in most cases it’s not exactly where you want it to be because breasts tend to appear along special areas called Mammery lines which are areas where all mammals (including four legged ones) tend to develop their nipples (think about where cows, cats and rabbits have theirs and you’ll get the idea).
A little Cartoon of Mammary Lines and before you ask yes, somebody did get a boob right next to her hoo hoo and yes she did end up taking it out ….
There was even one 22 year old lady with nipples on the soles of her feet ….. Had they known about it I’m sure that places like The Foot Fetish Directory, Soles’N'Toes.com, and fruityfoot.net * would have probably had her set for life …… (wonder if she had it removed after ?)
Now that’s some other kind of fucked up …. even for my standards ……
As with most weird anomalies having a multiple breasts (polymastia) used to a symbol of the divine and featured in many idols in ancient Greek culture and there have been quite a few accounts if it occurring in royalty (Ann Boleyn, mother of Elizabeth the first) and celebs of varying calibre; naturally, as with anything else on the planet including potatoes there a blog for it fittingly called The Superfluous Nipple.
* No, I do not frequent those sites, and no I don’t have a foot fetish; although my porn collection is vast and varied it does not cover that particular niche I’m afraid ……..
Curing Cancer….. Yes it is worth it ……
Apologies …… I’m actually going to try and argue out a serious point here ….. and yes, I am well aware that the fine people who run Q8Health could probably do a better job at this sort of thing* (serious medical stuff …. involving educated arguments, etc.)….. I just thought I’d give it a go anyway …..
We’ve all been touched by cancer. We all know what it feels like and are well aware that there is never a happy ending, only some comfort in the fact that a person is eventually cured. We also know that the ministry spends alot of money ….. far more than most other government institutions and rarely has to face cutbacks despite under-performance year in and year-out; not to mention the fact that we’ve become one of German Healthcares’ top ten sources of income and have spent so much at The London Clinic we practically own the damn thing.
So when someone finds a vaccine for cervical cancer (fifth most deadly cancer in women worldwide) . (the cervix is the front part of the uterus…….. it’s kind of like the bumper ….) you’d expect our people to be all over it (if only so that Dar Al Shifa, Royal Hayat and the other ones can fill their coffers).
And just so we’re clear we’re not talking about some vaccine based on sharks cartilage, Chinese herbs or chanting like some Sherpa, we’re talking about a 3 – shot vaccine (sorry girls …. it’s either 3 needles or cancer ….. you just have to tough it out I’m afraid). And the best part is that it actually does work and has undergone numerous clinical trials (with practically no side effects).
A Specimen of a uterus and cervix …. the big ball is the cancer … well a tumor … it may not be cancer … but it does look like it.
The drug itself (known as Gardasil) doesn’t actually kill cancer cells, instead it provides women with immunity against the leading cause of the cancer (the human papilloma virus). The virus is in most of the male and female population by their late teens (in most countries) and is also the leading cause of genital warts (the things that stick out like skin tags …. commonly present as anal warts in our 16-20 female population …. I wonder why …. ). At the moment it’s only approved for 12-16 year old girls who are not sexually active and have therefor yet to be exposed to the virus but is probably safe for the general population.
At a time when our healthcare budget is about 962 million and we spend well over 100 million KD trying to give people a summer vacation in Germany while some distant relative gets his tooth taken out, surely we can afford to spend a couple of million instigating what could be a landmark campaign against cancer. For one thing the drug itself doesn’t cost all that much (about 300-500 dollars per person …. which isn’t alot for a cancer cure …. if it were me I’d charge you bastards at least 2 grand a piece ….. and yes, that is in KD) and our population isn’t all the big. Then there’s the fact that we have a department in every hospital specifically assigned to giving out vaccines (It’s the public call it Preventive Medicine …… we call it medical nirvana …. no sick leave, no fights, no sick patients and no dead people).
So using the numbers from the CIA world factbook (apparently we have a population of 2,596,799 (including expats and those of us who aren’t fortunate enough to have full citizenship) and a below 14 female population of 338,634) which when multiplied by the cost of the vaccine (500 dollars) and a 30% markup the local drug dealers (= people who have distribution rights in the country and tend to peg the prices according to arbitrary numbers their kids dialed on their mobile phones) would amount to a grand total of about $220,112,100 and sure 220 million dollars (64,399,298.03 KD) is alot but it’s only a 6.7 percent increase in our total healthcare budget for this year (2009-2010) and would make sense economically since the cost to treat cervical cancer in Kuwait is astronomical (everybody wants to go to Germany or the States and those who don’t end up having to wait for aaaages to get any treatment)
It would also do our side (I can’t believe I just referred to the ministry of health as “our side” … ugh ….. ) a world of good in terms of publicity (especially after that video with the babies head pulled off …. and yes, from what I’ve heard it was a still birth ….. just steer clear of a romanian midwafe at Jahrah … just incase … ) if they were one of the first middle eastern countries to “cure” cervical cancer (it’d be like the good old days …… before leopard hijabes, annoying stickers and idiots who over do it with the hair straightener ….. the fuckwits).
However as with any form of progress and any ideas which actually involve thinking and enthusiasm it’ll probably never see the light of day ….. we still don’t have it available in the damn country …… oh well …….
At least people in the U.K. might get lucky ……..
* No, I’m not being sarcastic, I actually think that you’re one of the very few places on the internet where public healthcare reform in Kuwait is actually being discussed in a correct and mature manner.
Moving on ……
Having spent the majority of my adult life trying to help my fellow man, be humane and naive enough to expect some gratitude in return; I’ve come to the conclusion that the way things are going people like me need to find a new job…… or kill themselves in the process.
And although Ansam’s suggestion sounds very appealing and as much as it’s been my fantasy to portray an gigolo* in a dank dark corner at the local mall (we have no red light district (sadly) and your target demographic (30-40 year old spinsters) have yet to discover the wonder of facebook or BBM) I doubt I could make ends meet without somehow selling an organ and besides there’s no way I could compete with these professionals:
Gigolo Wannabe – Far Eastern Faux Reality TV at it’s best.
And while I’d always held the assumption that healthcare workers tend to have to stick with their profession from day one and can only leave it by dying or going blind (don’t even think that retirement works …. people will still ask you for “favors” …..). I think it’s probably because medicine is/was largely viewed as a calling rather than a form of apprenticeship and tends to attract a certain type of person. Namely competitive, curve breaking wunderkinder who by the time they finish their medical training end up becoming backstabbing cunts that end up ripping the flesh off of each other in an attempt to get ahead. (yes, I was stabbed in the back this week ….. and no I’m not over it)
But there is hope for those of us who just can’t fit in, have had to drop out or just hate their patients and the way they’ve been failed by their own employers (= the ministry of health); an exemplary example is Josiah Bartlett (1729-1795) who served his country as a physician, congressman, and supreme court judge and has his name on the Constitution of the United States . He was key in the development of not only the constitution but also a taxation system for his state (New Hampshire), the congress (it’s not a typo, the current structure of the US congress was shaped by him and his peers) and one of the first organised medical societies with a preset requirement for registration in terms of experience and knowledge (basically setting up a medical liscencing system for the state of New Hampshire so that only those who were qualified could practice medicine … we use ours to monopolize and restrict private healthcare). The man was even a revolutionary in medicine as he was one of the first to discover the antibiotic effects of Peruvian Bark (he probably guessed it …. the lucky bastard).
And then there are the ones who fucked up …… the best example has to be Ernesto “Che” Guevera. The man started off as an asthmatic kid who’s mother wouldn’t let out of the house, became a relatively good doctor and decided to go and get himself killed, get his legs chopped off and turn into everyones favourite T-shirt logo …… fucking brilliant …… If he had just stuck to what he was good at or maybe tried to work at the hospitals quality control panel then maybe the man would have amounted to something more than a logo on a t-shirt lost in the “sale” bin at topshop ……..
Che while in medschool (left) and in his more famous form sporting is Signature Berrett
So perhaps it is time I moved on to pastures new ….. politics doesn’t seem all that bad and I’ve had alot of practice telling half-truths to avoid getting sued, having a complaint filed against me and getting my head kicked in (yes, it has happened before …. alot); infact I can’t count the times I’ve told people that their brain dead daughter who was in a motorbike accident (with her “cousin” …. I still don’t get it ……) at four AM was “stable” to spare myself the whole brain dead but still alive debate with parents who I know can’t legally make the right decision (yes, I am for do not resuscitate orders)
Then again knowing myself, I’d be a wee bit too lazy to actually do anything about anything and would probably end up embezzling funds, investing in a private hospital and be back at square one ……
* Gigolo is a rather old term for a male prostitute. Thought to be of Italian origin by most.
Roxannne …… Put on the Red Light…….*
I wasn’t going to post this originally and expect a rather negative response ….. for the most part many of you will think I’m being sexist, making fun of women or mean to degrade them …… this is largely untrue …. I’m only shedding some light on a topic rarely discussed and have the utmost respect for most people regardless of their gender …..
Some days most days I wish I was him …..
Hookers, whores and call girls ……. perhaps I can sympathize with them because my calling involves largely the same hardships; we both work odd hours, are subjected to a fucked up system with rude and crude clientele or patients and rarely (if ever) get any thanks for it. Infact for the most part both medical staff and prostitutes get named and shamed in the papers regularly despite the best efforts of many working in their respective indutry(ies).
Like working for the Ministry of Health, prostitution subjects workers to violent people, those who are lurid and ofcourse the scorn of society for what is viewed as wrong, perverse, arrogant and generally rancid task that ought to be banned or at least regulated. And prostitution holds the same false stereotypes as healthcare does in terms of economic yield as everyone assumes that you’re making a boat load of cash …….. No I don’t drive round in a Bentley ……. and yes my daddy promised me I’d be rolling in it once I got through medical school ………. It’s been a while and the money still hasn’t started rolling in ……
Despite what most people think and the moral views held by our society prostitution is infact on the rise and although I have absolutely no data to support this a trip to your local casualty coupled with a 3 day trip to any given Dubai/Bahraini hotel would argue in my favor far better than any statistics ever could (and before you ask I’ve yet to pay for sex …… although it’s been a while ……. maybe I should book that room at the Grosvenor …… oh wait my salary means I can’t afford it ….. damn ….. wish I taught English lit. ….. at least I’d enjoy teaching kids Bukowski and getting slammed by the Students Union for it ….. ).
Ofcourse our fair ladies of the night are thought to be disease ridden, filthy, slime cunted and addicted to heroin. THIS IS GARBAGE; the industry is pretty darn healthy as the CDC (American Centre Center for Disease Control) recently revealed that the prevalence of HIV in the industry is far less than that of the general population (another stereotype put to rest); this ofcourse is based on a very limited study and does not take into account prostitution as a result of human trafficking and other illegal and largely inhumane activities which should be banned for the sake of both our industries …….yes, I do have a heart and a moral imperitive; though I rarely choose to act upon it ………
I’ve also always found it interesting how clients relate to prostitution and how they feel about it; most people I’ve talked to seem to mirror what most studies have concluded. They say that it’s because it’s easier, less complicated and you get exactly what you want from the relationship namely some fun, drinking and dancing and none of the drama everyone is afraid of essentially none of the maintenance and all of the benefits of a fun ride (no pun intended). I’ve personally always loved the drama that comes with a relationship; the fights, the making up, the going out to restaurants that nobody else goes to for fear of seeing someone you know …… fucking brilliant …. especially the fights ….. I could never keep a straight face and would end up laughing through the whole thing ….. explains why the longest relationship I’ve had lasted 2 weeks ….. I digress ….. apologies ….
I also think that there’s also a need for female contact that many people in our society lack, this makes social development skewed and by and large leads to a person going for a paid discreet type of thing rather than an awkward courtship which most people won’t approve of in the first place. Then there’s also the simple excuse for going to a hooker ….. “she’s fuckin’ hot and I’m fucking horny” …….. This is especially true of my married bretheren who seem to think that they have to cheat on thier wives as a requirement after a certain age …… fucking idiots don’t know when they have a good thing going ….
But then again some reports seem to say that most prostitutes tend to hate their job, want to kill themselves and have suffered some form of childhood trauma. I suppose that’s another thing that it has with medicine, we all hear about the good doctors who honestly enjoy their work and those of us who are abused by it and just want to die or kill the bastards who come in sick everyday …..
At the end of the day I doubt that anybody would be happy about or enjoy the idea of prostitution being on the rise but unless and until we become more mature in the way we handle relationships with the opposite sex its just one more thing we all know exists but never talk about (making it one of many industries that’ll never have health and safety standards, moral ones or any form of sanctioned regulation ……)
And anyone who thinks that prostitutes deserve to get raped, beaten and drugged up should just have a conversation with one of them at their local casualty …….. you can’t help but salute our working women for the shit they have to put up with day in and day out ….. from the law, society and the four year old adults they serve day in and day out.
*Yes, sting is infact the shit ……
Beats anything Rihanna Can Come up with …..
Completely random but I just had to share. I believe it’s been around for a while though …… surprised no one got sued over this ……
click the on the "continue" thing to view it ……
Chinese Democracy
Healthcare in Kuwait is abysmal, it’s kind of like working in a giant cookie factory and seeing all the cookies come out burnt to a crisp or being eaten by one of your co-workers (the one that weighs about as much as the factory does) thus leaving you unfulfilled by all the work you put in and leaving your factory in ruin …….
When I first got here I thought it was because we had substandard equipment ….. it turns out that we have a surplus of most equipment in most departments (except for disposables such as gloves, sutures etc ….. something tells me that the sutures tend to end up in my colleagues private clinics while the gloves magically turn into balloons for their kids birthdays).
I then got to thinking that maybe it’s because of the doctors themselves, if you think about it most of them are lazy bastards who end up skiving off work by the time they get their consultancy (it’s kind of like being the five star general in healthcare) …. which got me thinking that it’s an administrative/ human relations problem and that employing a “carrot and stick method” (Yes, I am trying out some new vocabulary here and no, I do not feel comfortable with it yet ….. it’ll grow on me though …. ) may be the key to solving all our problems; I assumed that if you gave the big wigs enough incentives then productivity would increase …… turns out all the incentives were always there and in traditional Kuwaiti fashion they all got all their bonuses regardless of whether they showed up for work or not and lets face it ….. I’ve yet to see a Kuwaiti doctor get fired over here ……. so there’s no use in implementing any sort of incentive scheme or an ombudsman (kind of like a department that watches over all the other ones …. think of it as quality control with fangs of steel) of any kind.
And after spending some time with my patients I thought that it was all their fault. Most patients don’t understand the difference between a doctor, a physiotherapist, a nurse or a maid and the vast majority tend to take you for granted and walk in with the preconception that there are only two types of doctors in this world ….. the blonde* ones who know their shit and the dark haired flunkies who will use you as a lab rat.
Furthermore most people tend to use their local casualty service as their family practitioner, surgeon, cardiologist, bone doctor and chemist all in one department and refuse to wait more than ten seconds to be seen and then rip his/her head off for not being a morning person or even worse for not knowing the diagnosis right off the bat. But I suppose that’s not it either since most people do infact attempt to get to the polyclinic (mistawsif) only to find that the doctor they were hoping to see is infact the medical equivalent of a dildo in an all male orgy (why go for the plastic stuff that’ll chafe the hell out of yer asshole when the real thing is just fifteen minutes away)
Which is why after spending the past couple of years working as one of the low level grunts in said factory, I’ve come to the conclusion that trying to introduce good/adequate healthcare in this country is infact just like trying to introduce Democracy in The Peoples Republic of China. It’s a goal that is not attainable for far too many reasons to list.
The way we’re going about healthcare over here would be the equivalent of demanding elections in China, buying them electronic polling machines, allowing the public to cast their votes and then throwing a hissy fit when the communist party is voted back into government because that’s the only thing the Chinese have been introduced to and the only party they feel threatened by.
The Ministry of Health have gone through the trouble of buying multi million dollar equipment, building multiple polyclinics (mustawsafat) as well as multiple general and specialized hospitals without explaining to ANYBODY how they work, what their responsibilities are and how a person should go about getting a checkup, colonoscopy or even a routine x-ray done.
They’ve sent people abroad for upto 10 years to train in surgery, medicine and trauma and psychiatry only to bring them back and tell them to work as low level grunts without giving them any orientation, objectives or motivation and have made it so that even the home grown doctors from the local university feel neglected after their first year.
Worst of all is the attitude patients assume as a result of the current system and standard of care, most patients will automatically think that the standard of care they’re receiving depends on their nationality, willingness to pay fees for tests, background history (alcoholic, drug addicted or just plain happy go lucky), family background and lastly how scared doctors and nurses are of them; which is why many patients tend to complain about the smallest things and many nurses/doctors end up having the crap beaten out of them at some point in their careers.
I really can’t see the current healthcare system improving over the next couple of years, no matter how many times our ministers get changed and how many hospitals they plan to build; the fact of the matter is that the damn thing was forged from parts that can never be mended.
Cover of the album that took over a decade to be released …. only by the time it was done nobody really cared …..
And if/when they do get it right like the Guns and Roses album aptly named “Chinese Democracy” it’ll be too little too late ……..
* Yes, you read correctly in the Kuwaiti Healthcare system blondes are considered smart ……… goddamn it we’re fucked …..
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