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Oral

Oral sex…… it’s fun, it’s interesting ….. and it rarely if every results in problems 9 months down the line ……… or a lynching on your wedding day ……..

However just ’cause you’re not really “doing it”, doesn’t mean you’re not going to get pregnant; that’s right oral sex can get you pregnant, if you’re that unlucky.

Take the story of a bartender from Lesotho, South Africa. The teen who was born with no vagina (or Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome) was caught by her brothers while giving her boyfriend head. The brothers decided that beating her into a brain bleed, collapsed lung and killing her boyfriend wasn’t enough so they went on to stab her twice abdomen and send both to the hospital after they made sure he was dead.

She was taken to the OR where surgeons fixed the lung and treated the brain bleed, they then explored the stomach and found no stomach content but decided to wash the stomach and the rest of the abdomen just in case. Ten days later the girl was discharged and eventually made a full recovery.

Jump 278 days (9 months) down the line and the girl is brought into the emergency room again with abdominal swelling and severe pain (now this was the 80′s in South Africa ….. they barely had ultrasound so whenever someone came in with something strange the patient was opened up and they had a quick look inside). When they explored her abdomen they found one big ass uterus, a cesarian was perfomed and she had a healthy baby boy …… who like his mother had no vagina.

This left the doctors scratching their head for a while ….. until she told them why she got stabbed in the first place. Her deceased boyfriends sperm had travelled to her uterus from her stomach thanks to the two holes made by her brothers.

Now I don’t know what’s more amusing the fact that she was/is still technically a virgin or the fact that her brothers got her pregnant……. and no this isn’t an urban legend, it was reported in 1988 in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology and the surgeon involved was Dowe A Vurkyl who has published another 40 articles since then and still works in Zimbabwe and was at the time a Junior resident.

Below are a couple of snippets from the article.

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Take home message: oral sex won’t get you pregnant unless your brother(s) get involved.

On Viriginity (alleged or otherwise), Anal Sex and STDs

As much as I’d like to share my thoughts about sex and sexuality (it’s been a while but the memories are still vivid…. I assure you) I think that Aesop in 560 BC may have done a far better job than I ever could when he said:

It is with our passions, as it is with fire and water, they are good servants but bad masters.

Ever since I could remember religious groups in the US (as well as many other countries) have been preaching and advocating abstinence and virginity pledges as the only sure fire way to prevent STDs and preserve the sanctity of marriage.

You’d think that their argument would make sense, for the most part sexually transmitted infections (or diseases) (STDs or STI’s) tend to occur as a result of well ….. sex and one could logically infer that taking sex out of the equation would make everybody feel safer and would be the ultimate cure.

However as with condoms, diaphragms, and the oral contraceptive pill the term abstinence seems to be far too complex for most of the US religious right to grasp ….. especially at the tender young age they tend to be roped into the whole thing at ……for the most part the damn kids (13-20) tend to get confused very easily and can’t quiet grasp the difference between no sex, oral sex, anal sex and everything but vaginal sex. And with that in mind a substantial number of pledges have decided to engage in everything but vaginal sex (the damn lemmings think that the backdoor doesn’t count ….. fucking priceless) which has lead to an increase in anal sex amoung the little angels and almost no reduction in the rates of sexual transmitted diseases in that age group.

So it turns out that virginity pledges have done practically nothing to reduce STD rates and have ensured that the incidence of anal sex is on the rise (if that isn’t irony I don’t know what is ….. fucking priceless) and worst still a recent study now says the the vast majority* of pledgers tend to lie about the previous sexual history in the first place (wanting to become born again virgins ….. no wonder they all loved Britney way back when)

Then again all of the studies mentioned/linked to above (not to mention common sense and vivid memories of teenage angst) could all be wrong , as a recent study published be the RAND corp. claims the pledges do actually work and they even make using condoms easier for the little buggers !!! Oh well my bad (its not like the RAND corporation has ever been accused of anything to do with the religious right, trying to influence politics or has ever been run by republicans in the past….. and yes I am being sarcastic)

I guess it’s back to using condoms and wishful thinking  …….